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devotional touch + the magic of erotic massage

“What a gift it is to touch someone so intimately – the kind of touch that makes a person happy to be alive.  Make someone happy tonight.”  -Philip Toshio Sudo, Zen Sex

CC Image Courtesy of Mrs. Logic on Flickr

We need touch.

This is true on a very, very basic level.  We’re talking children living or dying based on whether they get enough touch.  Yes, that basic.

Strange that it’s not on the usual list of basic survival needs, right?  You know: food, water, shelter.  Touch should be on there.   Yes. That list.

Notice how you feel about that.  Angry?  Sad?  Depressed?  Numb?  You want to fight me on it?  Good.  Let’s engage.  We live in a deliberately touch-starved society and it fucking sucks.  It creates a hardness in our souls, a sense of alienation and despair.  It makes us easy to manipulate as we shift our focus off of physical contact to less tangible means of social belonging – like money, status, power.

This idea that touch is necessary.  Do I mean this on an erotic level?  Affectionate?  Healing?  YES.  Most of us are touch-starved on all these levels.

Now, touch and sex are not fused – there are plenty of contexts we can get our touch needs met that aren’t necessarily erotic.  Hugs.  Cuddles. Massage.  Holding hands.  In fact, sometimes these feel even more vulnerable because sex is not involved and we have to own that we just want connection with other human beings.  Yes to the warmth and vulnerability of non-erotic touch.

And yes to erotic touch too.

Yes to being touched and held and seen in ALL our parts, exactly where we are.

You know how we feel about sex in this culture: confused, desperate, ashamed.  We want to cover it up, stuff it down.  But one of my favourite things about sex is how frequently it refuses to stay suppressed.  It’s life force swirling around in the cauldron of your pelvis, waiting to erupt, beautiful and terrible.  No wonder one of the patron goddesses of Tantra is also the goddess of death.

So let yourself die a little, just for a moment.

That part of you that needs to be tough, self-sufficient, isolated, badass.  (You can still be badass and connected to other people.  Trust me.)  Open up to your need for human contact.  For physical fucking touch from another human being.  Vulnerable, painful. I know.  Take a breath, feel the soles of your feet on the floor.

Now imagine laying on a massage table, or on a bed, or on a couch or even on the floor.  The room is warm – warm enough to luxuriate in your nakedness.  The lighting is low, the music drawing you into your physical experience.

(Doesn’t matter if you think is going to happen EVER, just put that aside for now – the imagining alone is beneficial.)

Imagine someone touching your body with deep affection – gently rocking your hips, fingers pressing into your feet, long slow honeyed strokes from head to toe.  Nothing mechanical here, no “get it done” attitude.  Maybe your genitals are held.  Maybe you are stroked into wild bliss as a full-body orgasm rips through your entire being.  Maybe you feel the pure abandon of glowing pleasure without pressure to come.  (Goddess knows our genitals need more of our love and less of our demands.)

No expectations, no need to perform.  Just pure pleasure and devotion.

What does it feel like?

This, beautiful ones, is a little taste of devotional touch.  A little piece of magic and connection in this touch-starved world.  (Who knew activism could feel this good?)

You can do it with someone you’ve just met, or someone you’ve been married to for decades.  You can do it with an expert or someone totally green.  You can do it with multiple people, or even by yourself with your own body.  The key is intention, something most people miss in their striving to perfect strokes or “get things right.”

I am going to be teaching about devotional touch and erotic massage at the CSPC the evening of March 14th.

I’ll be talking about communicating intention through your touch and covering different techniques, as well as some of the common pitfalls people fall into.  There’ll be some talk, some demonstration, and maybe even a few optional non-erotic exercises you can try in class.  Advance tickets are available here.  I hope you’ll join me.